I Miss Mexicans or The Top Ten Things I Miss About The U.S.A.

I’ve been in England five months now and it’s wonderful and all, but there are some things I’m starting to miss about home.  In celebration of Independence Day here are

The Top Ten Things I Miss About The U.S.A.

10. Celery.  Most of the vegetables here are big, tasty and fresh, but the celery is pale, skinny and rubbery.  I didn’t even know I liked celery that much until I actually ran across the market one day upon spying a stall with bags of long, thick, green celery.  Imported from California.

9. Highway traffic that actually moves.  The Husband can go on about this at length.  They’ve got all these automated traffic controls set up in an effort to keep the traffic flowing, but the actually result is really slow traffic for absolutely no reason.  We puttered along at 30 miles an hour for over an hour one sunny Saturday only to discover there wasn’t anything wrong other than a sign telling people to slow down.  No closed lane, no merging lanes, no traffic accident.  Just a flashing sign telling people to drive slow.  There weren’t even that many cars on the road.  All three lanes were going the same (slow) speed.  And the worst part of it is nobody seems bloody mad about it.

8. Mail service that doesn’t destroy the mail.  ’Nuff said.

7. Populace not stuck in the 80s. 

When the 80s-wear first started to come back (about 2002?) I thought it would be short lived.  We’re still in full swing in the US but it’s nothing compared to here.  They have embraced every aspect of not just 80s style but 80s music as well.  I’m all for a dance night, but there’s a limit to how many times I can listen to greatest pop hits as part of a normal day.  I left a store because they played three little known Michael Jackson songs in a row.  Not all retro is created equal.  Embracing the styles of the past should be done through the filter of time.  Just as my respect for Kevin Costner grows in direct inverse proportion to every weird Mel Gibson moment, Prince was elevated to near demi-god status while Michael Jackson sank lower and lower into the depths of Neverland.

And ladies, just because you can buy an off-the-shoulder green and white diagonal-striped body-hugging knit dress and gold shoes doesn’t mean you should.  Why are you paying 20 quid at Urban Outfitters for a plastic headband?  As I recall part of the appeal of the easily breakable and often painfully spiked headband was that they came in a pack 5 for a buck.   Maybe I’m just bitter that I can no longer fit it into my ruched red leggings of yesteryear.  Oh wait, no I’m not.

The H doesn’t mind the fashion.  He says, “I appreciate how all the girls here dress like whores.  It almost makes up for the guys in elf shoes.  Elf shoes and Ducky hats.”

5. Successful integration of various peoples and immigrants.  Whooooa?  What?  No doubt the we’re screwed up politically – Hey!  Let’s just build 1/3 of a fence.  That’ll fix everything!  but I didn’t realize before living here that we actually do the immigration thing pretty well, culturally anyway.  This topic could be a website all on its own so I’ll just give you my take based on what I’ve seen in Birmingham so far. 

The unemployment rate is much higher in England than in the U.S. so all the complaints about “taking our jobs” are tripled.  But it’s more than that and I say this because it seems to be the Polish people who are doing many of the labor jobs, but it is the Middle Eastern immigrants, Muslims specifically, who are unwelcome.  The British people have a very specific idea about what it means to be British.  The Middle Eastern immigrants appear to have little interest in assimilating.  The British are angry that there are so many people coming here for jobs and money and free health care but then don’t want to change and adopt to English culture.  They see a woman in a black Abaya and Hijab as an affront – the English value politeness and the women wearing the full dress won’t make eye contact let alone say “Ta” or hold open a door for a stranger.  It’s the small things that build up.  I’m not letting the Brits off the hook here – referring to such women as “Guinness Bottles” is not indicative of friendliness and acceptance.

So what does this have to do with the U.S.?  The immigrants most people are vocal about are Mexicans.  But unlike the British, we can’t even define American culture without including Latinos and all the other groups of people  that make us so great.  The Mexican people immigrating to the U.S. don’t want to lose their culture but they also strive to fit in and advance in society.  Americans don’t give themselves enough credit for how good we are at absorbing other cultures.  I don’t think absorbing is the right word.  Neither is melting.  It’s more like a roiling, broiling stew – the ingredients all work together yet still retain their individuality.   

Plus, no one has said, “Hola, mamacita” to me the whole time I’ve been here.  My self-esteem is suffering. 

This 4th of July have some stew.

4. The washer and dryer.  Here in the flat we have this all-in-one Ventless European Technology washer/dryer that supposed to save water and electricity.  It does – by not actually cleaning anything.  It’s not that I haven’t figured it out yet; I lived with one of these pieces of crap for two years in D.C.  I know all of the tricks to get it to sort of work.  The biggest joke is that the word dryer is even used to describe this under the counter monstrosity.  I “dried” a load of socks for 4 hours once just to see if they would be free of moisture.  They weren’t.  Normally I wash most of my clothes on cold and hang dry, but I like the option of using hot water and drying things occasionally, especially towels which are much nicer when fluffy instead of crunchy.  

When the machine reaches the end of its “dry” cycle it makes horrible noises for 15 minutes that amplify in the living room and sound like we’re on a plane that’s about to crash.  The H likes to shout, “Honey, the clothes are damp.”  The most unamazing thing about the “washer” is that is manages to not clean the clothes and yet destroy them.

Here’s a load of towels not getting clean.

I had the “washer” set on 60 degrees, but that would have taken too long so I lowered the temperature to 40 degrees and now it will only take 3 hours and 12 minutes.

3. The sun.  Oh the sun.  It was great to be here in February when it was 50F while it was minus 10F in Minneapolis.  But now it’s the beginning of July and I still have to carry a jacket everywhere and I have all these cute skirts I can’t wear because it’s too cold and we have a balcony but I can’t lay out for even 15 minutes because it’s too windy and you can forget about sandals.  I miss the sun!

2. Freedom. i.e. personal responsibility,  i.e. not living in a nanny state.  Legally able to carry a locking pocket knife.  Not being recorded everywhere in public.  A person can be stopped and searched for suspician of carrying a knife.  And if a knife is found an adult can be imprisoned for up to four years, even if he/she didn’t actually do anything with it.  Look, I am super-duper-way in favor of strict gun control, but this knife crime hysteria is taking it too far.  I think all firearms should have ballistics tests before being sold and there should be a national data base of that information.  Guns are made for one thing and one thing only: shooting something.  And with a gun it is easy to shoot many somethings quickly.  But there are many possible, reasonable and non-violent reasons to have a knife.  The H and I get a good laugh at knife-crime articles at least twice a week.  A sampling of the news …

Gangs Use Dogs Instead Of Knives Um, I think I’d rather they had knives.  At least the knife isn’t going to rip my throat out all on its own.

Doctors:  Ban dagger-type kitchen knives ”The knives, they argued, could be banned without unduly inconveniencing cooks.”  The suggestion is to only sell ROUND KNIVES.  Seriously.

National Knife Amnesty ”Campaign Objectives – To publicise the key details of the amnesty (when, where and how to hand in your knife)…”

Hats banned from Yorkshire pubs over CCTV fears ”Asking a Yorkshireman to take off his flat cap – whoever heard of anything so silly.”

Councils urged to reduce snooping  “Councils have been urged to stop using controversial surveillance powers for “trivial” offences like littering and dog fouling … Sir Simon Milton’s missive came amid growing anger at the extent to which the powers – ranging from physical observation to the checks on telephone and internet records – are used by local authorities.”

Students try texting to combat knife crime  “A plan to use SMS to combat youth knife crime is being trialled in schools in east London. The text pilot enables youngsters to anonymously report classmates or other youths they suspect of carrying knives to anti-crime charity Crimestoppers UK.” 

Like I said, they’re stuck in the 80s … 1984.

 

And the #1 thing I miss about the U.S.A. –

Mexican Food.

The H and I consider Mexican food a substantial part of our diet.  The H even more than me - he judges food quality based on it’s Scoville Unit rating.  We do a lot of cooking on our own, but it’s not the same as going to a Mexican restaurant run by actual Mexicans.  We can’t get good avocados and the jar of guacamole I found at Tesco was comprised mostly of peas.  I’ve been making my own salsa, which is okay but time consuming.  We went to an “American” restaurant specifically because they had a sign advertising fajitas.  They turned out to be 18 Pounds each, which is about $36.  We just couldn’t justify $70 for what was probably going to an awful disappointment.  We are making due with a few Old El Paso products. 

 

In case you can’t read the picture, it says, “Fajitas (pronounced fa-hee-tas) were discovered on Mexican cattle ranges.”  Where do I begin?  I can’t possibly cover it all so I’ll just say this - DISCOVERED?  How about INVENTED?  “Texans would probably like to lay claim to the fajita, but history gives credit to Mexican ranch workers living in West Texas (along the Rio Grande on the Texas-Mexico border) in the late 1930s or early 1940s.”  Just because the British didn’t know about it doesn’t mean it had to be “discovered”.  

Old El Paso is an American company, but I think the way this stuff works is that the advertising comes from the local office.  Am I wrong?

 

We get it.  They crunch.

 

Not convinced we do immigration well?  When my husband, The Whitest Man On Earth, saw the directions on the taco package he said, “”The day I need instructions on how to make a taco … grumble grumble grumble.”

Have a great 4th of July.  We’ll be in Scotland.

Happy Independence Day!  I miss you USA!

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