When do triathletes pee?

I would like to take this opportunity to address another VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE.  This issue arose during a recent conversation with friends.   The pressing question of the moment is: When and Where do Triathletes and Marathoners do the #1 during a race?  Some of the people had walked or run marathons in a non-competitive capacity (Race For The Cure, for example).  They used the port-a-potty during the race as needed.  But what about people who are competing?  If every second counts, when and how do they go to the bathroom?   I said they don’t, that the intense exercise prevents them from having to eliminate until they’re done.  It was also suggested that the athletes use a bag or a diaper, like astronauts.

Luckily my parent-in-laws visited this week-end.  They are triathlon competitors (in town to visit and oh by the way burn 5000 calories while our lazy hung-over asses slept in).  Their answer:  They don’t.  Legend said he can run and bike for 12 hours or more without going to the bathroom.  He might drink 3 gallons of water but he just sweats it all out.  He said there are port-a-potties set up but if you’re being really competitive you just skip them.  He said the Tour de France riders have been known to just pee off the side of the bike while riding; it’s just not shown on T.V. (I’m shocked that I couldn’t find a YouTube video of this – I guess some things are still sacred.)

Atilla did fess up that sometimes competitors will pee in the water during the swimming portion of the race.  I’ve peed in a lake before and found it more than challenging to stay afloat and wee-wee all at once.  I can’t imagine being able to accomplish peeing and swimming at the same time.  I guess that’s why I was in Drama.  Anyway, Atilla won 5th in her age group for women (she very often takes 1st; I blame the loss on competing against abnormally tall women of Nordic decent.)

Legend took 1st place in his men’s age group and 68th out of all 1100 competitors.

Product Overload: How I Came To Have Six Deodorants

Of all the products I found in the bathroom cabinets, my collection of deodorants is the most excessive.  I have been (justly) criticized for this.  The exact words were, “Who the hell has 6 deodorants?”  I would like to explain how this came to be.

I have been using Kiss My Face roll-on deodorant for many years.  I love it - it leaves no marks or residue whatsoever on my shirt and doesn’t smell overly perfumed.  However, the roll-on takes a long time to dry and doesn’t always hold up through long sweaty work calls, so until recently I also used “Little Black Dress Approved”  Degree antipersperant.  I had two of those – one in the bathroom and one in my work bag.   So that’s 3 deodorants total.  As soon as I arrived in Minnesota last year I ran out of the Kiss My Face bottle (back down to 2).  As it was the middle of tank top season I really didn’t want to use the regular stuff, black dress approved or not.  However, there wasn’t a natural section at Cub Foods yet, to my urban eyes the Whole Foods was really far away, and I didn’t know about Kowalski’s.  I sent this e-mail to my peeps in D.C.

 

Date:  June 30, 2007

Subject:  SOS!!

SOS  SOS from the midwest HELP!!!!!
 
Dana or Myra –

PLEASE SEND
 
2  Kiss My Face Liquid Rock roll on deodorants
 
to 
 
XXX
Lino Lakes, MN
 
Hurry!
If you send Monday it should be delivered before the 4th, right?
 
Seriously!!!
 
I will send money later.  I’m almost out!  I have maybe 2 days left.  I prefer the “scented parfumee” with the orange and yellow label and the little white flower, but really any of them will do.  There is a Whole Foods here but it’s 20 miles away and I won’t be able to go until next week-end.
 
 
Consider this practise for when Dana is in Iraq.
 
Also, please send 3 x 5 foot picture of Myra as there are no black people here.**
 
 
Thank you!  I miss you both!
Love, Sara

 

**I have since learned there are in fact 417 black people in Lino Lakes. 

Dana was unable to help as she was having some crisis but Myra was all over it.  She said, “Black person to the rescue” and promptly FedExed a package with 4 roll-on Kiss My Face deodorants and 1 Tom’s of Maine stick deodorant.  Myra does not do things half way.  She did not send a life-size picture of herself, but did include an e-mail attachment which I have as one of my screen saver photos.  I then had 7 deodorants. 

When my dad visited he forgot his deodorant so I gave him the Tom’s of Maine.  I used up one of the Kiss My Face’s in England and also one of the Degrees (used while hiking since I sure as heck wasn’t working).  Somewhere along the line I picked up an Avalon Organics Wild Yam roll-on (who couldn’t resist the tempting scent of wild yam?)  Just after returning to the states I finished the remaining Degree, replacing it with 1 Jason’s Lavender Deodorant Stick.  That made 6 deodorants at the time of my inventory.  Bubbles mentioned being unhappy with her currrent deodorant so I mailed one container of unused Kiss My Face, which has now travelled from the manufacturur in New York to a Whole Foods in Maryland across the country to Minnesota and back to Virginia Beach.  That deodorant has more experience that Sarah Palin.

I just finished off one of the roll-ons, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting through the remaining 4 deodorants anytime soon.  It will be awhile before I evaluate the safety of the ingredients in that category; probably before I get around to sending money to Myra.

Ah Crap. I fell off my pedestal of self-satisfaction.

I lost my blonde when I turned 30.  For awhile I highlighted, but stopped when I moved since the golden honey color didn’t really go with my new pale never-see-the-sun Minnesota skin.   Last winter I decided I really didn’t care for the mousy shade so I dyed it a vibrant dark brown.  It looked much better, but I didn’t keep it up because there wasn’t a sprayer in the shower in England (I can’t dye my hair without a sprayer – everything in the bathroom would be speckled with purple spots). 

Today I decided I absolutely must dye my hair tonight because I’m subbing for a girl named Sarah who is my exact size and her last day is Saturday and I want my hair dark brown again so I can show up to work looking just like her which I think will be hysterically funny.  I headed to Target earlier today hoping they would carry one of the brands the Skin Deep database lists as having the lowest hazard ratings.  Most of the products rated 0 to 2 are henna based.  There are actually several kinds of henna, with hazard ratings ranging from 0 to 7.  The type used most often, LAWSONIA INERMIS (HENNA), rated a 5 or a 7 depending on its use (with a 76% data gap).  The second most common kind, LAWSONIA INERMIS (HENNA) EXTRACT, rated ZERO but had a 98% data gap.  The natural hair dyes rate low overall because (usually) the only potentially hazardous ingredient is the henna.  For my crazy-haired friends I would like to note that most Manic Panic dyes rate 4, which is better than 95% of the 1,052 products analyzed.  In any case, Target didn’t carry any of the low hazard brands – Pinaud, Aubrey Organics, Light Mountain, Rainbow, and Accelderade. 

While researching earlier I stopped with products rated 5 and over because that’s when I became concerned about the ingredients.  For example, Clairol Natural Instincts Medium Auburn Brown #22 (the dye I used all last winter) has a hazard rating of 8.  The scariest ingredient in the Clairol dye is P-PHENYLENEDIAMINE (10) which is followed by a list of hazards so long I’m afraid I’m going suffer organ failure just writing about it.  The US EPA, Air Risk Information Support Center says, “Kidney Toxicity Hazards: suspected, Respiratory Toxicity Hazards: suspected, Gastrointestinal or Liver Toxicity Hazards: suspected.”  P-Phenylenediamine is restricted in Canada and classified by the European Union as ”Toxic by inhalation, skin contact, and ingestion ” and “Very toxic to aquatic organisms.”  But just a little is fine, right?

So, I stood in the aisle at Target for ten minutes reading all the hair dye packages.  Finally I picked L’Oreal Paris Dark Golden Brown 4W, which I thought was probably the least hazardous of the available products, but as I am not familiar with that many ingredients yet I wasn’t really sure.  This is the first time I have ever wished I had a Blackberry – I could have looked up all of the products without leaving the store.  I jumped off the wagon:  I bought hair dye even though I knew it was bad for me.  I am fairly sure Target has the widest selection available in Lino Lakes, and I just didn’t have the patience to drive around searching for a better product.  I have fallen off my high horse back into a cushy SUV of Laziness.

It turns out the L’Oreal Paris dye has a 7 hazard rating with a 80% data gap.  There are three high hazard ingredients: Ethanolamine (7), Resorcinal (8) and the ubiquitous Fragrance (8).  35% of hair dyes have lower concerns, which makes me feel okay about my choice, but kind of freaked out about the other products going down the drain.  It will be about 2 months until it will be time to dye my hair again.  Until then I’ll keep my eye out for a store that sells safer dye.  That’s if the Chlorhexidine Dihydrochloride doesn’t blind me first.