Slow Day at the Office

January 10, 2009 at 7:11 am 2 comments

Just in case you aren’t a seasoned theatre professional, Tech is the magical time when a play transforms from a bunch of actors in a room talking to themselves into a polished production set to awe the audience opening night.  The director, designers, actors and technicians lock themselves together for a week, only briefly glimpsing the sun on the way into the theater each day.  We go through the play line by line stopping and starting (and stopping and stopping,) adding light and sound cues, and practising the scene shifts.  In between 30 seconds of fast action the crew people backstage stand (or sit or squat or drape ourselves across any available piece of prop furniture) in the dark for several hours a day.  Waiting.  Imagine time being frozen except everybody is conscious but unable to do anything.  You can move a few feet away from your spot but can’t actually accomplish anything else because the play might move on AT ANY MOMENT. 

You end up with a lot of time in the dark thinking about really important things.  Like…

It appears as though modern toilets are designed (like everything else) for right handed people, but the design is such that one wipes with one’s right hand then touches the flush handle with the same hand.  To make the toilet experience more sanitary the flush handle should be on the left side.  That way one would wipe with one’s right hand then flush with the left hand thus avoiding depositing germs on the handle.  Of course left-handed people would probably wipe with their left hands then flush with the left hand, but there are fewer left-handed people so the total number of butt germs would be less.

Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?  Of course, I think any low flush handle is inferior to having a flush button higher up so that you don’t have to bend over the toilet to reach the button.  That has to be the dumbest design ever considering the toilet flushing process works like an atomizer sending tiny particles of pee and poo up into your face which is right there bent over the toilet.  I think this problem is probably worse if you are short and thus have short arms.  At home you can shut the seat, but public and work toilets are often not equipped with lids. 

Most of all I hate automatic toilet flushers because they always flush too soon – this is especially problematic if you have to remove, insert, or mess with a tampon.  If the toilet flushes too soon it’s nearly impossible to get it to flush again when you’re done and if you have just used an extremely powerful toilet you end up with water on your arse.  And I can’t figure out what they’re sensing anyway.  Your movement in front of the sensor?  Your weight on the seat?  Or is it just a timer?  Agh!  The best kind of public flusher of course is the hand-wave sensor.  But I wouldn’t want one at home in case of a power failure.  I find mechanical systems to be generally more reliable than electrical ones.

Anyway … Tech can’t last forever.

Or can it?


Entry filed under: Rants & Ramblings, That's Show Biz, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , .

Let’s all sit in a circle and think of things to rhyme with “orange”… In case you were wondering what minus 19 looks like.

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dad  |  January 10, 2009 at 7:25 am

    OK – maybe we weren’t perfect parents.

    While still sitting and after you’ve finished your business, activate the flushing mechanism with your elbow. See – no butt germs, no tiny particles of pee and poo in your face and it is more pleasant visually.

    Now, my job is done.

    Love, Dad

  • 2. Chris  |  January 17, 2009 at 2:00 am

    First off.. the potty picture… Holy Crap is that creepy!!! And can we please not change which side the flusher is on. I like to avoid exercise as much as possible and that just seems like too much twisting back and forth.


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