Die Beastie Die!

September 12, 2009 at 7:11 am 2 comments

We looked out the window and what did we see?  A giant pile of  … What IS that?  Did an elephant crap in our yard? 

Is that a huge pile of crap

I wish it were an elephant – at least we could locate and shoot it.  Instead, I think what we have is this miniature beast:


You think it’s cute, bleeding heart city dweller?  It’s not.  It’s EVIL, PURE EVIL.  First, it dug around the entire perimeter of our house, throwing up 5 gallons of dirt and creating sunken places that could eventually lead to sinkage around the foundation.  The Husband tried to refill the holes, but You Can’t Refill An Evil Rodent Hole (words to live by). 

No, Not My Yellow Plant!

No, Not My Yellow Plant!


The Husband dropped poison corn pellets down the holes, but the Evil Beastie apparently has poison-resistant evil super-powers and a penchant for revenge.

Our front yard, yesterday morning.  AAGGH!!

 Please note the perfectly straight lawn-mower lines

Please note the perfectly straight lawn-mower lines.

Look how big these piles are.  I was afraid to stand near them, but I did so that I could bring the full story to you dear readers.  The Angry Rodent could have flown out from his tunnel to Hell and attacked my face!

Big Hole 1

Big Hole 2

Big Hole 3 

If we had a BB gun, The Husband could park himself on the front porch with a bottle of Leinies to wait for an appearance and then SHOOT THAT LITTLE F*#*%R DEAD.  Except we don’t have a BB gun and we’re not sure that would be legal here in our suburban neighborhood, although our neighbors would probably thank us for protecting their numerous children from this vicious threat.  For now, The Husband is trying more poison.  I’m not confident though – I think it only adds to its evil powers.

Evil groundhog

Die Beastie Die!









Entry filed under: Adventures, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kate  |  September 12, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! This. Is. Awesome.



  • 2. jessieisskoopy  |  September 14, 2009 at 9:10 am

    My parents had this problem a few years back. I will email them to see what ended up working for them. Perhaps they can offer some words of wisdom for murdering groundhogs.


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